Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Today is my second wedding anniversary with my cutie pie husband and all I can say is that marriage is not what I expected. I spent a lot of my teenage years watching my family members sit in unhappy marriages while disrupting their kids lives because they were too selfish to divorce or simply divorced selfishly and put their kids in the middle. I looked at that and said "No Thank You!" to marriage. As I got older, I found that I liked my freedom and ability to do what I wanted and not have to ask anyone else their opinion. I mean, come on, I am NOT asking a man for permission to live my life, okay? I was smart, working, living in the fast paced city of LA and dating and it was fun. But eventually a patient man strolled into my life and blew up the self-fabricated "sex in the city" version of my life. He was handsome, sweet, caring, and smart! And I do like me a smart man! Alas, it was supposed to be fun and convenient until he left for graduate school on the other side of the country. Seriously, who gets into committed relationships with people who are preparing to move? Well, apparrently I do. And I say all this not because I have it so awesome and everyone should take advice from me, I say it because it was so unexpected. We were dating, knowing that he was leaving in a few months and still moved forward.

Eventually, my spidey senses were tripped and realized that I had a good man. No, I had a great man. He loved me, cared about me, came  from a great family, wanted to work hard and be successful and eventually start a family. How could I pass that up? But marriage? Marriage was not in my long term plans. How could I plan to do something that I had only seen people in my own family fail at? I didn't want to change how amazing our relationship was and I didn't want to get bored. And on top of all that I didn't want to release my ambition or my ability to take care of myself. I was so proud that I lived on my own and sent money home for my family. I was not going to be one of those women, who went golddigging, depending  on and using men for money.  I didn't need to because I was smart, educated, and level headed. But love has a funny way of distorting things. Just because I was in love didn't mean that I couldn't still be smart or educated or self reliant- it meant that I didn't have to be those things alone.

Now that I look back on those feelings, it all seems so immature. But I realize that eveyone has fears about getting married and those were just mine. I now know that there isn't a prescription or dedicated form of marriage for everyone. My marriage is not the same as my friends' marriages. My marriage is not my family's marriage and does not have to be unbearable like theirs. I love my husband and I am glad that we work together to live the kind of life that we want. We don't make excuses for ourselves. We do the things that we want and that's it. Our marriage is what we make it.  All of the awful things that I understood marriage to be while growing up were completely countered by the amazing marriages my husband saw growing up.  He had the tools and the patience to work with me  so we could create something special and unique for us.

Marriage is a privilege and I feel blessed that I have someone who wants to share that privilege with me.

Happy Anniversary!


  1. This was beautiful, congrats on your marriage. I'm almost at 4 years and dealt with some of the same feelings of only knowing bad marriages and not wanting that. It was nice to overcome that.

    (btw, I came over from Afrobella)

  2. So your wedding story on Afrobella. It was beautiful. Happy anniversary.

  3. Happy Anniversary!!! I am a little over 2 years in my marriage and it is amazing. No marriage is the same and it is truly what you make of it. It is a continued learning process that is always full of surprises. Like you, I feel very privileged to be married because not a lot of us can say that. Congratulations and all the best in your remaining years. God bless.
    (I also came over from Afrobella) - Lady Abbey