How can you not smile?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Madness....
Anyone who knows me, knows that I love, LOVE, LOOOOOVE the NCAA men's basketball tournament. It's my favorite sporting event of the year. I don't care about the superbowl or the NBA, PGA, or nascar. Give me young men in the 20's reaching for a dream anyday over the extremely well paid and poor tempered league of professional athletes. The hunger and the drive of the collegiate level player can result in the most amazing plays, turnovers and upsets. As an east coaster, I am generally a fan of all the ACC conference schools, except Duke. The blue devils can suck it! Who needs all those championships? The same thing goes for UNC. The sky is not Tarheel blue, thank you! This year I am rolling with OSU, baby! That's right, Buckeyes, you have a sister among you! So, fill out your brackets and get ready to watch 72 hours of non stop, heart racing, so-good-you-could-listen-to-it-in-your-car-if-you-had-to basketball and know that out in LA, I am sitting there glued to the TV with you!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
March
March is an interesting month in my family. It's the month with the most family birthdays - 10. It's the month when the weather pretends like it's going to get better and then it rains for 2 weeks straight and all you can say is "Well, at least it's not snowing..."
March is also the month when my grandfather passed away. While many of my friends were not lucky enough to grow up with grandparents, a signifcant part of my childhood involved living with and being raised by my grandparents. My grandfather was my dad. He was my chauffer to doctor's appointments, he videotaped field hockey games, he taught me how to drive, and he misty-eyed when I went to the prom. He even let my date drive his gigantic black lincoln.
Unfortunately, my grandfather did not make to it to see me get married or buy a house or settle into a satisfying career path. When he first passed away, it was so hard for me to understand what the world was supposed to be like without him. Even now, I find myself wanting to call him and ask for help. If I could talk to him now, I would ask him, what would you want people to know about you. Here is what I think he would want me to say:
1) My grandfather loved his girls: My grandmother, my mom, and my sister and me. We were light of his life and nothing made him made more proud than when we accomplished something, so he could brag about it.
2)My grandfather liked nice things but worked really hard for them. My granfather used to drive what my mom and I would call the mafia lincoln because everything was black: black leather, black cloth top, black paint, black interior, super dark tinted windows. When I was 7 I couldn't wait to grow up so I could have a lincoln continental of my own. My grandfather drove that car to the dry cleaners that he opened in a little area called Columbia, Maryland. He worked hard in that store and was sure to show me the value of ownership and hardwork.
3)He could fix anything. In this day and age, where we all sit at a computer and pretend like we know a lot about a lot of different things, my grandfather actually did. He replaced brakes on his car, replaced a toliet in one of the powder rooms in his house, ran his own business, owned rental properties, started a second business for residential lawncare, and fixed my grandmother's curling irons on more than one occasion.
4)He was a loving son. I had never seen my grandfather cry until the day his own father passed away. During the last few months of my great-grandfathers life, my grandfather was given power of attorney and took control of the family. He moved his father into our house with the help of a hospital bed, a part time nurse, and food delivery service. When the end came, my grandfather made arrangements and was the definition of class while dealing with all the necessities. During the finally hymn of the service, everyone went up to pay their final respects and I saw my grandfather break down. A mighty oak weeping and all I could do was cry with him.
My grandfather was a good man. While it's still difficult for me to understand the world without him and accept all the baggage that goes along with death of a loved one, I try to remember that he is somewhere better, not suffering, not sick, and hopefully eating fantastic meals, each of which end in a gigantic bowl of butter pecan ice cream.
March is also the month when my grandfather passed away. While many of my friends were not lucky enough to grow up with grandparents, a signifcant part of my childhood involved living with and being raised by my grandparents. My grandfather was my dad. He was my chauffer to doctor's appointments, he videotaped field hockey games, he taught me how to drive, and he misty-eyed when I went to the prom. He even let my date drive his gigantic black lincoln.
Unfortunately, my grandfather did not make to it to see me get married or buy a house or settle into a satisfying career path. When he first passed away, it was so hard for me to understand what the world was supposed to be like without him. Even now, I find myself wanting to call him and ask for help. If I could talk to him now, I would ask him, what would you want people to know about you. Here is what I think he would want me to say:
1) My grandfather loved his girls: My grandmother, my mom, and my sister and me. We were light of his life and nothing made him made more proud than when we accomplished something, so he could brag about it.
2)My grandfather liked nice things but worked really hard for them. My granfather used to drive what my mom and I would call the mafia lincoln because everything was black: black leather, black cloth top, black paint, black interior, super dark tinted windows. When I was 7 I couldn't wait to grow up so I could have a lincoln continental of my own. My grandfather drove that car to the dry cleaners that he opened in a little area called Columbia, Maryland. He worked hard in that store and was sure to show me the value of ownership and hardwork.
3)He could fix anything. In this day and age, where we all sit at a computer and pretend like we know a lot about a lot of different things, my grandfather actually did. He replaced brakes on his car, replaced a toliet in one of the powder rooms in his house, ran his own business, owned rental properties, started a second business for residential lawncare, and fixed my grandmother's curling irons on more than one occasion.
4)He was a loving son. I had never seen my grandfather cry until the day his own father passed away. During the last few months of my great-grandfathers life, my grandfather was given power of attorney and took control of the family. He moved his father into our house with the help of a hospital bed, a part time nurse, and food delivery service. When the end came, my grandfather made arrangements and was the definition of class while dealing with all the necessities. During the finally hymn of the service, everyone went up to pay their final respects and I saw my grandfather break down. A mighty oak weeping and all I could do was cry with him.
My grandfather was a good man. While it's still difficult for me to understand the world without him and accept all the baggage that goes along with death of a loved one, I try to remember that he is somewhere better, not suffering, not sick, and hopefully eating fantastic meals, each of which end in a gigantic bowl of butter pecan ice cream.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Do big things....
When I was freshmen in college, my globe-trotting cousin finally made his way home to Chicago from his sabbatical abroad. When he returned to the states, he brought beautiful musical instruments from Ghana, a tank top and headwrap for me from Mali, and serious case of malaria. The disease incubated in his system for months upon months until finally it decided to rear its ugly head and when it did it was really, really bad.
I remember walking to Evanston Hospital from campus because it was so beautiful that morning. I didn't really know that much about malaria or what exactly it did to people besides make you sick and then eventually kill you. Once I finally got there, I sat in his room for a few hours while doctors came in and out to examine him. Some were actually assigned to his case, while others were so intrigued by his severe case of malaria that they just wanted to bother him like an animal at the zoo. When his dedicated doctor came to visit, he told me about how lucky my cousin was, how cases this far advanced are rarely seen in developed nations and that it took copious amounts of blood transfusions to save his life.
I have always donated blood when the school had a donation drive set up and I was happy to give what I apparently had plenty of. I never felt connected to my donation or really gave it a second though after getting my juice box and cookies. But the real life use of donated blood saved my cousins life. And that gave me a second and third thought.
I bring this up because, today, I finally did something that I have been meaning to do for years, I registered with the National Bone Marrow Registry. Since my cousin recovered from malaria, I faithfully donated blood whenever I could because I understood emotionally how it can save more than just a life, but a family. And while my cousin desperately needed those transfusions, there was blood to be had. Thousands of people go without matches for marrow and succumb to any number of problems that could have been delayed or resolved.
Today, I am proud that I made a decision that shows that I understand that marrow donation is painful and cumbersome and I am still willing to save the life of a stranger. I am proud that I have not only the clear and open mind, but also a clean bill of healthy, that allow me this amazing opportunity. And that is a big thing!
I remember walking to Evanston Hospital from campus because it was so beautiful that morning. I didn't really know that much about malaria or what exactly it did to people besides make you sick and then eventually kill you. Once I finally got there, I sat in his room for a few hours while doctors came in and out to examine him. Some were actually assigned to his case, while others were so intrigued by his severe case of malaria that they just wanted to bother him like an animal at the zoo. When his dedicated doctor came to visit, he told me about how lucky my cousin was, how cases this far advanced are rarely seen in developed nations and that it took copious amounts of blood transfusions to save his life.
I have always donated blood when the school had a donation drive set up and I was happy to give what I apparently had plenty of. I never felt connected to my donation or really gave it a second though after getting my juice box and cookies. But the real life use of donated blood saved my cousins life. And that gave me a second and third thought.
I bring this up because, today, I finally did something that I have been meaning to do for years, I registered with the National Bone Marrow Registry. Since my cousin recovered from malaria, I faithfully donated blood whenever I could because I understood emotionally how it can save more than just a life, but a family. And while my cousin desperately needed those transfusions, there was blood to be had. Thousands of people go without matches for marrow and succumb to any number of problems that could have been delayed or resolved.
Today, I am proud that I made a decision that shows that I understand that marrow donation is painful and cumbersome and I am still willing to save the life of a stranger. I am proud that I have not only the clear and open mind, but also a clean bill of healthy, that allow me this amazing opportunity. And that is a big thing!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Marriage?
Today is my second wedding anniversary with my cutie pie husband and all I can say is that marriage is not what I expected. I spent a lot of my teenage years watching my family members sit in unhappy marriages while disrupting their kids lives because they were too selfish to divorce or simply divorced selfishly and put their kids in the middle. I looked at that and said "No Thank You!" to marriage. As I got older, I found that I liked my freedom and ability to do what I wanted and not have to ask anyone else their opinion. I mean, come on, I am NOT asking a man for permission to live my life, okay? I was smart, working, living in the fast paced city of LA and dating and it was fun. But eventually a patient man strolled into my life and blew up the self-fabricated "sex in the city" version of my life. He was handsome, sweet, caring, and smart! And I do like me a smart man! Alas, it was supposed to be fun and convenient until he left for graduate school on the other side of the country. Seriously, who gets into committed relationships with people who are preparing to move? Well, apparrently I do. And I say all this not because I have it so awesome and everyone should take advice from me, I say it because it was so unexpected. We were dating, knowing that he was leaving in a few months and still moved forward.
Eventually, my spidey senses were tripped and realized that I had a good man. No, I had a great man. He loved me, cared about me, came from a great family, wanted to work hard and be successful and eventually start a family. How could I pass that up? But marriage? Marriage was not in my long term plans. How could I plan to do something that I had only seen people in my own family fail at? I didn't want to change how amazing our relationship was and I didn't want to get bored. And on top of all that I didn't want to release my ambition or my ability to take care of myself. I was so proud that I lived on my own and sent money home for my family. I was not going to be one of those women, who went golddigging, depending on and using men for money. I didn't need to because I was smart, educated, and level headed. But love has a funny way of distorting things. Just because I was in love didn't mean that I couldn't still be smart or educated or self reliant- it meant that I didn't have to be those things alone.
Now that I look back on those feelings, it all seems so immature. But I realize that eveyone has fears about getting married and those were just mine. I now know that there isn't a prescription or dedicated form of marriage for everyone. My marriage is not the same as my friends' marriages. My marriage is not my family's marriage and does not have to be unbearable like theirs. I love my husband and I am glad that we work together to live the kind of life that we want. We don't make excuses for ourselves. We do the things that we want and that's it. Our marriage is what we make it. All of the awful things that I understood marriage to be while growing up were completely countered by the amazing marriages my husband saw growing up. He had the tools and the patience to work with me so we could create something special and unique for us.
Marriage is a privilege and I feel blessed that I have someone who wants to share that privilege with me.
Happy Anniversary!
Eventually, my spidey senses were tripped and realized that I had a good man. No, I had a great man. He loved me, cared about me, came from a great family, wanted to work hard and be successful and eventually start a family. How could I pass that up? But marriage? Marriage was not in my long term plans. How could I plan to do something that I had only seen people in my own family fail at? I didn't want to change how amazing our relationship was and I didn't want to get bored. And on top of all that I didn't want to release my ambition or my ability to take care of myself. I was so proud that I lived on my own and sent money home for my family. I was not going to be one of those women, who went golddigging, depending on and using men for money. I didn't need to because I was smart, educated, and level headed. But love has a funny way of distorting things. Just because I was in love didn't mean that I couldn't still be smart or educated or self reliant- it meant that I didn't have to be those things alone.
Now that I look back on those feelings, it all seems so immature. But I realize that eveyone has fears about getting married and those were just mine. I now know that there isn't a prescription or dedicated form of marriage for everyone. My marriage is not the same as my friends' marriages. My marriage is not my family's marriage and does not have to be unbearable like theirs. I love my husband and I am glad that we work together to live the kind of life that we want. We don't make excuses for ourselves. We do the things that we want and that's it. Our marriage is what we make it. All of the awful things that I understood marriage to be while growing up were completely countered by the amazing marriages my husband saw growing up. He had the tools and the patience to work with me so we could create something special and unique for us.
Marriage is a privilege and I feel blessed that I have someone who wants to share that privilege with me.
Happy Anniversary!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
January and February and beyond...
2011 is already set to be a big year in the Gaines household! We were receently the subjects of an HGTV room makeover. (Stay tuned for airing details)YAY! We have decided to reintroduce "hustle" back into our lives after purchasing a home and making it comfortable. I am preparing for not only the GMAT but the inevitable conversation that I will have with my employer, where I try to convince him that it is to his benefit to pay for my B-school tuition. And finally, we decided that this year and probably next year are not the years for baby making... practice, yes, but actual baby creation has officially been taken off the table.
Now that January is over, do your New Year's resolutions still make sense? Are they still achievable? I know its only been a month, but January flew by and I am not sure that I made the most it. Sheesh, if January can go by that quickly, you know how fast the rest of the year can go. It's important those things we thought about at the end of last year and the beginning of this year stay relevant and part of current decision making processes. Everyday, I need to decide to act and not procrastinate. Everyday, I will have to make the choice to try something new, to be courageous, and every once in a while, I will have to accept that a result of trying something new may include failure(but hopefully not as often as success).
With tax season slowly climbing into view along with Spring, last year's winter declarations can easily fade into distant memories. I don't want my declarations to be meaningless. Nor do I want them to be things that can be put off until next year. Having the same resolution year after year, not only sucks, but means that I haven't intentionally grown as a person. Yes, we are shaped by things that happen to us, but I am talking about taking an active hand in the kind of life one wants to live. I don't want to be a procrastinator, so quite simply, I have to start acting and stop waiting.
Now that January is over, do your New Year's resolutions still make sense? Are they still achievable? I know its only been a month, but January flew by and I am not sure that I made the most it. Sheesh, if January can go by that quickly, you know how fast the rest of the year can go. It's important those things we thought about at the end of last year and the beginning of this year stay relevant and part of current decision making processes. Everyday, I need to decide to act and not procrastinate. Everyday, I will have to make the choice to try something new, to be courageous, and every once in a while, I will have to accept that a result of trying something new may include failure(but hopefully not as often as success).
With tax season slowly climbing into view along with Spring, last year's winter declarations can easily fade into distant memories. I don't want my declarations to be meaningless. Nor do I want them to be things that can be put off until next year. Having the same resolution year after year, not only sucks, but means that I haven't intentionally grown as a person. Yes, we are shaped by things that happen to us, but I am talking about taking an active hand in the kind of life one wants to live. I don't want to be a procrastinator, so quite simply, I have to start acting and stop waiting.
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